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My name is Sally. I’m a suicide survivor-two times. I absent both my babe Linda and my niece Stephanie to suicide. Linda dead herself by jumping from the seventh-floor balustrade of her apartment. She was 45. Stephanie ingested a baleful aggregate of booze and decree drugs. She was 32.
My Daughter’s Story
When my daughters, Linda and Karen, were 15 and 11, we confused to Scotland. This was a difficult time for Linda because she didn’t accomplish new accompany easily. She had alone one abutting acquaintance and few acquaintances. When we confused aback to the States, Linda backward in Scotland to appear university in Edinburgh. After she graduated, she confused to London to work. Eventually, she immigrated to Australia.
Linda admired traveling and SCUBA diving. She was able to amalgamate both of these loves with her jobs, which took her all about the apple ambience up computers for airline companies. When she was at home in Australia, she would accession timberline frogs on her balustrade and absolution them into the wild.
After her aftermost ancestors visit, Linda confused to a altered accommodation and we absent all acquaintance with her. She would sporadically acquaintance her sister Karen with a abrupt buzz bulletin adage that if she capital to allocution to us or see us, she would accomplish the connection. I set out to acquisition Linda in 2000. I contacted her Edinburgh University, but they had no information. I contacted the Social Security Administration in Australia. I wrote to her best friend. Still nothing. By the end of the year, I accepted failure. I could not acquisition my daughter.
On the June 24, 2002, Karen accustomed a buzz alarm from a woman in Australia called Kate, who told her that Linda had committed suicide the antecedent week. Linda’s anatomy had been cremated, a baby clandestine account was held, and the ashes were broadcast breadth Linda had appear the timberline frogs she raised. Kate had spent canicule analytic Linda’s apartment, attractive for advice on a about to contact. She begin it on a altogether agenda Karen had beatific to Linda including her buzz cardinal and address. Finally, I had begin Linda.
Linda’s suicide brought up so abounding animosity for me. Denial: How could I assurance a buzz alarm from a absolute stranger? This didn’t absolutely happen. A letter would be advancing any day from Linda adage this wasn’t true. The abutting buzz alarm would be from Linda. Anger: How could she accomplish me ache this way? Didn’t she apperceive how abundant this would hurt? How could addition so acute do such a brainless thing? Sadness: My aboriginal child; my admirable red-haired daughter; my smart, ablaze Linda. Guilt: Why didn’t I attending aloof a little harder in 2000? What did I do that fabricated her ambit herself from all of her family? What didn’t I do?
Our accomplished ancestors was burst by Linda’s suicide, but her sister Karen was best awfully hurt. After the news, she concluded an eight-year relationship, absent 70 pounds, sunk into a astringent depression, and was on the border of suicide herself. Through astronomic self-motivation, Karen pulled aback from the edge. During the abutting 18 months, she fabricated new activity decisions and started on a aisle in a absolutely new direction.
Karen visited Australia and met with Linda’s friends. She visited the basin breadth breadth Linda’s ashes had been scattered. She abstruse that Linda had become added antisocial during the years she lived in Australia, her affairs added bizarre. She would assignment about 24/7, afresh abdicate working, break in her accommodation with the buzz angry off, and booze for continued periods of time. She abstruse that Linda had been planning her afterlife for abounding years and anniversary time she moved, she would never booty an accommodation that was beneath than seven floors from the ground.
My Niece’s Story
Stephanie was a blessed adolescent and a airy teenager. She was a university graduate. She admired children, animals, and gardening. A alarming accident in her backward adolescence afflicted Stephanie dramatically. She and her best acquaintance begin the friend’s ancestor blind by his belt in his closet-a suicide. From that point on, Stephanie’s personality changed. She suffered bouts of depression, began abundant use of alcohol, would not participate in ancestors gatherings, and attempted suicide.
Her ancestors was actual supportive; she was in analysis for several years, and spent a continued time in a psychiatric hospital in the Los Angeles breadth breadth she was misdiagnosed-as bipolar, schizophrenic, and depressed. She was assuredly accurately diagnosed as ambiguous personality ataxia at McLean Hospital in Boston breadth she spent a year as an inpatient. At the end of the year, Stephanie and addition accommodating took an accommodation “off campus” together. Even admitting Stephanie’s “recovery” seemed far from complete, she and the ancestors were hopeful. Stephanie eventually begin a baby abode to alive in by herself. She began agronomical and requested her admired dog, Jake, be beatific to her.
Then the abhorrent account came that her accessory Linda had died by suicide. Stephanie had abounding continued buzz conversations with my babe Karen about how the suicide had impacted the ancestors and how abundant adversity the survivors were activity through.
On July 31, 2003, Stephanie took Jake to a kennel, went aback home, and sat bottomward at her kitchen table with a canteen of wine and bottles of decree pills. Her anatomy was begin the abutting morning.
Is it accessible Linda’s suicide gave Stephanie “permission” to booty her own life? Should Linda’s afterlife accept been kept from Stephanie?
Can suicide be prevented? Is the “suicidal person” addition added than the being we know? Are there consistently admonishing signs? I accept no answers to these questions. My activity and my family’s lives go on, but we accept been consistently changed. There is a aperture in my affection breadth Linda acclimated to live. I assuredly “found” Linda, but she is consistently lost. I will never see either Linda or Stephanie again. I will consistently accept questions with no answers. There is one affair I apperceive actual abundance a survivor is the hardest affair I’ll anytime do in my life.
Join Sally Stewart at the 13th Annual Suicide Prevention Forum sponsored by the Glendon Association on Monday, September 17, at 6:30 p.m. at La Colina Junior High. This accident is chargeless and accessible to the public. For info, appointment glendon.org or alarm 681-0415.
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